Here's a simple example (purposely about women so you don't have to wonder whether I'm describing myself). Consider a married woman who wears a wedding ring while at work, who places photographs of her husband and children on her desk, who brings her husband and children to social events and who freely discusses her family life with students and coworkers. Such a woman is revealing many details about her personal life, but this kind of behavior is common. Even a single woman living with a boyfriend can freely discuss her relationship at work and bring her boyfriend to social events even though she is guilty of the crime of cohabitation.
But if a woman mentions that she is a lesbian, suddenly a certain group of people who are not comfortable with lesbianism accuse her of being unprofessional. Even if she talks only one-tenth as much about her relationship as her heterosexual counterparts do about theirs, her detractors will ask, "Why does she have to talk about it so much? Why can't she just keep it to herself like we do?"
The point is that we're all curious about the personal lives of the people we work with, but sometimes learning those details will make us feel uncomfortable around those people. Personally I think that a university isn't doing a good job if it doesn't make people uncomfortable on a regular basis. I'd encourage that lesbian to tell people about her relationship, to plaster her wall with photographs of her partner and to make it a point to bring her partner to every social event and introduce her to every person who seems to be squirming. But that's my value system (oops, I just told you something about my personal life).
Let me give one more example that is relevant to Arizona. State Representative Jean McGrath raised a fuss about a women's studies course that discussed lesbianism without mentioning it on the syllabus. This generated a great deal of discussion that eventually led to a memo circulated to me as a faculty member advising me to disclose any "potentially offensive" material to be covered in my classes in a special section of my course syllabus, so that students would get a warning on the first day of class that they might not want to take the course.
So what is potentially offensive? From her rhetoric, I gather that Jean McGrath would probably list topics like lesbianism, satanism and masturbation. But one person's offense is another person's lifestyle. Some people are offended by Jews, blacks, hispanics, Catholics, rich people, preppies, communists, liberals, conservatives, hedonists, blondes, left-handed people, etc. How can I know what to list and what not to list? And isn't the act of listing a topic as "potentially offensive" something that might offend the corresponding individuals? Would Representative McGrath be offended by the notion that her ideas are so offensive to many people that a course should warn students that she is to be discussed?
I am fairly certain that Representative McGrath would be unhappy to read about my personal life. If you ever read this, Ms. McGrath, I strongly advise you not to read any of the details that follow because you'll probably want to sponsor a bill to shut me up. So my advice to everyone is to pause for a moment before you plunge into my highly offensive personal life and decide whether you really want to know more about me or not. I advise against it.
But if you've read all of this and you still feel, against my advice, that you want to know more about my personal life, click: